I’ve been thinking about contentedness a lot lately. Most of the time when the word content is brought up, I think of stuff/things. But I’m not pondering being content with the things in my life. I’m thinking about being content with myself.
I have spent my ENTIRE life struggling with the way I look. I used to get majorly upset about my hair if it didn’t lay just right, starting at the ripe old age of 5 (or around there- all through elementary school). When I hit puberty, it went down hill. I got hips, boobs, and the weight to go along with it. The lack of male interest seemed to scream into my ear: “YOU’RE FAT AND UGLY!! NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU!!!!!” I spent all of high school dealing with self-hatred.
The thing is, I was taught to hate myself. Our culture reminds us on a daily basis that we need to be tan, thin, pimple free, have ample breasts with no stomach fat, a big round butt with no thigh jiggle or cellulite, and voluminous hair. Sounds super doable, right? I think the movie Mean Girls sums it up for me. The main girl Cady (just moved to USA from Africa) goes to a girl’s house from school. The other girls immediately approach the mirror and begin saying things like, “I hate my man shoulders,” “I have huge pores,” “My nail beds suck,” etc. etc. Then they turn to Cady and expectantly look at her, waiting for her to chime in with her flaws. These girls complaining are supposed to be the most beautiful girls in school. If the most beautiful girls still hate the way they look, then I surely must. It is simply expected for us to hate at least one part of ourselves.
Well, I’m taking a stand. I was “fearfully, and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) by the Creator of all things. I am enough. My body is beautiful because it was created with a purpose- “to do the good works prepared in advance for me to do” (Eph. 2:10). So here I am, telling you that I am going to be content. Because I want to teach the girls in my youth group that they are beautiful. Because I want to teach my daughters one day that they are beautiful.
So here I am, 5’6″ and 135lbs. My thighs touch. My butt has cellulite. My upper arm continues to wave after my hand stops. I have a perpetual pooch on my lower abdomen. I can’t get tan to save my life. And I am beautiful. If others don’t see my outside as beautiful, that’s ok. Maybe they will let me show them that God has made my insides beautiful too.
I vow not to complain about the way I look. I will not be so vain that I can’t share pictures that aren’t the most flattering (hence the sunburned frog pic above). I will not grumble about the body God made me, the one that works so well. I will model to every girl around me, that being content with the way I look is not ego or pride, it’s simply a choice. I choose to believe that the God who made the universe knew what He was doing when He put me together too. I choose to be content with my body, my face, my beauty. I hope you can be too.
Life in Toy Land 